When You Wind The Wrong Way
by DarkRose Dilettante
Summary: Jun finds out what happens when you wind a Rozen Maiden's key the wrong way. Pity Shinku doesn't come with an instruction manual.
1. Chapter 1

**Hello again! This is just a fun story I thought I just had to do. It'll probably be three, four, maybe five chapters long.**

**Warning: Major Shinku OOCness but it's intentional for the storyline. :)**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Rozen Maiden or any of its characters.**

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_**When You Wind The Wrong Way**_

******Chapter One**

"Shinku?"

Jun stared at the petite blonde doll sitting on his bed, her long curls pooled in a silky golden ring around her a large book laid open on her lap. Despite the fact that everything looked perfectly fine, Jun couldn't help but notice something was wrong.

For one, Shinku, whose posture was normally perfectly straight, had propped herself up against the headboard of Jun's bed with pillows. She seemed to droop slightly, her head lowered as if weary. When she looked up and blinked at him, he could see her eyes were not their usual clear blue, but where instead almost glassy and unfocused.

"What is it, Jun?" she asked him, letting out her breath in a tired sigh.

"Are you okay, Shinku? You look really tired."

"Nonsense…" she replied a little faintly. "As you can see…I'm…perfectly…fine…" He watched with alarm as she trailed off, her eyes slowly closing, and she tipped forwards on top the heavy book she had been holding.

"O-Oi, Shinku! Shinku!" He raised his voice, panic beginning to rise in his throat. "P-Pull yourself together! _Shinku!_" His shouts brought the others running up from downstairs.

"Hohohoh…what perverted things have you done to my sister now, desu?" Suiseiseki demanded as Jun gingerly lifted Shinku into his arms.

"Wh-what the hell are you talking about? She just…collapsed…" He stared anxiously down at his doll. She felt so small, so vulnerable in his arms…

"Nothing to worry about, she's just wound down," Souseiseki said reassuringly. "You just have to wind her up again."

"Ha! To think the chibi got so worried over something as petty as that! I'll bet if it wasn't Shinku he wouldn't have that hopeless look on his face, desu…" Suiseiseki's taunts did nothing to calm Jun's nerves.

"J-just shut up!"

"Humph. You'd better hurry up and wind her key. Otherwise the chibi Ichigo will fall asleep too, desu."

"Uuuhh, I don't want to go to sleep, nano!" Hinaichigo cried, grabbing Jun's arm. "Hurry and wind her up!"

"I got it, I got it…jeez…" Jun's hand shook slightly as he laid Shinku gently on the ground and Nori handed the ornate key over. The truth was, he really wasn't used to Shinku just stopping all of a sudden, unexpectedly like that. Suiseiseki's sudden shriek made all of them jump.

"NOOOO! WHAT ARE YOU DOING, YOU STUPID IDIOT MORON CHIBI DEEEEESU?"

"W-What?"

"YOU'RE WINDING HER THE WRONG WAY, DESU!"

"_S-SERIOUSLY_?" Jun jumped back, dropping Shinku's key to the ground. He stared in horror at the doll, still unconscious and unmoving, lying on the floor.

"YOU WERE TURNING THE KEY IN THE WRONG DIRECTION!"

"I-is that a problem?"

"Oh, who knows, idiot chibi, because NO MEDIUM EVER BEFORE IN HISTORY HAS BEEN STUUUPID ENOUGH TO WIND A ROZEN MAIDEN DOLL THE WRONG WAY!" Suiseiseki was kneeling next to Shinku with Souseiseki, frantically shaking the blonde, trying to wake her up.

"Y-You killed Shinkuuuu!" Hinaichigo started crying.

"N-now, I'm sure it isn't that bad…" Souseiseki murmured, more to comfort herself than anyone else.

"She won't wake up!" Nori wailed, tears starting to form in her eyes as well.

"Shinku!" Jun patted, panicked, at her pale cheek. "Wake up!"

There were several more minutes of commotion, involving Suiseiseki whipping out her watering can screaming that she would avenge the death of her sister and whacking Jun repeatedly over the head, Nori going to fetch a bucket of cold water, Hinaichigo bawling her eyes out and Souseiseki attempting CPR on Shinku, as she had seen on a documentary after last night's episode of Kunkun. A sudden silence fell as the lifeless doll suddenly stirred.

"Sh-she moved!"

"Shinku's not dead!"

"Oh, thank goodness."

"Hmph…I'll take revenge later, desu."

They all crowded anxiously around as Shinku's eyelids fluttered open slowly. Her half-opened eyes were blank and vacant.

"Shinku?" Jun's concerned face appeared over her bleary vision. Her eyes widened suddenly, instantly brightening, and, to everyone's surprise, a vivid scarlet blush quickly illuminated her white porcelain cheeks.

"J-Jun…" she stuttered, in a sweet voice they'd never heard come out of her mouth before. Their jaws dropped simultaneously as tears started to form in Shinku's sky blue eyes.

"Jun…" she said again, in that high-pitched, sugary tone that seemed to embody the complete opposite of her normal voice. "Jun…what on earth took you so long?" Her voice wobbled and cracked, and she burst into tears and threw herself at Jun's chest.

"Didn't you know I thought I'd never be able to see you again?" she sobbed, her face buried in his clothes. Her body shook with dramatically (clichéd) violent sobs completely unbefitting of her character.

"Sh-Shinku?" Jun was utterly shocked, as were the others, by her sudden emotional outburst. Usually, he would have expected a slap, or sharp reprimand, but for some reason, Shinku was being uncharacteristically hysterical.

"Jun! You heartless man! Why did you not wake me up sooner?"

"Th-that's because – "

"Don't tell me you were seeing another woman? Tell me the truth! You've been seeing another woman, haven't you?"

"Wh-WHAT?" Jun spluttered, going bright red in the face. He turned to Suiseiseki and Souseiseki. "What the _hell_ is she talking about?"

At that, Shinku looked up, tears streaks running down her pale, flushed cheeks. Her eyes were wide and moist, glistening with fresh tears.

"I knew it!" she wailed, and Jun suddenly felt the urge to back away. "I knew you were seeing someone else! Why, Jun? Why?" She grabbed the front of his shirt with surprising strength and beat her tiny fists against his chest – the very picture of a wild, passionate girl raging against a lover who has betrayed her.

"Uhmmm…Shinku, I really think you're not – "

"Why do you want to break my heart when I love you so much?"

Silence.

Absolute silence.

And then,

"EEEEEHHHHHHH?" The simultaneous cry echoed, and once again, a thunderous uproar arose in the room. Shinku continued to cry and hit Jun in the chest, Suiseiseki whipped out her watering can again and waved it around, screaming such things as "Pervert!" and "Paedophile!" and "Chibi chibi chibi, desu!" and bringing down her can on Jun's head with every syllable. Souseiseki's eyes widened, and she said, "I never knew you and Shinku got _that_ far," whilst Jun loudly and vehemently expressed his denial, at the same time shouting verbal abuse at the raging Suiseiseki. Nori had fainted some time ago and Hinaichigo had started crying again, asking Jun why he'd betrayed Shinku.

"JUUUUN!" Shinku wailed, sobbing uncontrollably into Jun's chest.

"PERVERT! PAEDOPHILE! CHIBI! DESU!"

"Well, I suppose you _have_ been looking strangely at Shinku these past few days…"

"WHHYYY DID YOU CHEAT ON SHINKU, NANO?"

"SHUT UP EVERYONE NOOOWWW!" Jun roared, trying to push both Shinku and Suiseiseki away at the same time. As if to make matter worse, Kanaria seemed to choose at that exact time to pop in through the window. The _closed_ window.

_SMASH!_

"Ha! I, Kanaria, the smartest of the Rozen Maiden, have successfully infiltrated – "

"OI! THAT'S MY WINDOW YOU JUST – " But Jun's enraged yell was cut short as Shinku let go of his shirt and shot across the room.

"YYYYYOOOOUUUUUUU!" In an abnormally unladylike move (but that was only to be expected, what with the current state she was in), Shinku rammed Kanaria up _hard_ against the wall and pinned her there, her hands locked firmly down on the green-haired doll's wrists.

"I-I'm sorry, kashira!" Kanaria squeaked, instantly regretting breaking into the house. "I'll give you my Rosa – "

_SMACK!_

"HOW DARE YOU STEAL JUN FROM ME!" Shinku lifted one hand and slapped the other doll across the cheek, before erupting into uncontrollable tears again.

"G-geh…wha…?" Shocked, Kanaria cradled her reddened, stinging cheek in one hand and stared incredulously at the inconsolable fifth doll. "D-did something happen…kashira?"

Jun sighed, Hinaichigo ceased to bawl, and Suiseiseki finally relented in her quest to rid Jun of all the brain cells in his head.

"Well, we had a sort of accident…Shinku stopped this morning, and Jun wound her up, but he turned the key the wrong way. We didn't know what would happen when Shinku woke up…but now…what you see here…" Souseiseki stared half in pity, half in terror at her fifth sister, who had once again seized the front of Jun's shirt, which was already stained with damp patches, and was crying heartily into it. He had already given up trying to pry her off.

"That's right. So now she's fallen hopelessly in love with the idiot chibi moron and thinks that he's been cheating on her…with you, desu." Suiseiseki scowled at Kanaria and threw Jun a dirty look.

"It's all of you!" Shinku broke away suddenly from her medium's chest and glared tearfully at her sisters, trembling from head to toe, her expression twisted into one of pure rage – one which they had rarely ever witnessed upon her usually deadpan face. "You're all his secret mistresses, aren't you? You were all planning on sending me to sleep, and then never have me wake up again…just so you can keep him to yourselves!"

"Shinku, they're not – " Jun was silenced abruptly.

"Silence! I know what despicable plans you're all plotting! You're all here having a secret meeting to get rid of me! Jun belongs to me! Who's the ringleader here? Who's the one who started all this? Jun, don't you ever leave me again! I swear, I'll kill anyone who tries to take you from me!" Out of nowhere, Shinku whisked out her cane and brandished it threateningly in the air. Holie too, popped out, but instead of circling around her head companionably like it always did, it flew towards Jun and the other dolls, bobbing up and down as if in distress.

"As I thought, Shinku's not herself; she's acting all wrong because you wound her spring in the wrong direction," Souseiseki said gravely, following the crimson artificial spirit's movements. "Even Holie knows that – and is very upset about it."

"Prepare yourselves! I will fight for Jun! His heart belongs to me alone!"

Jun was beginning to feel very awkward and uncomfortable – his face had been steadily growing hotter with every passing moment Shinku declared "ownership" of him.

"Oi, Souseiseki! What do we do now?" he hissed.

"W-we can't just leave her like this – she's dangerous, kashira!" Kanaria squealed as she, Suiseiseki and Hinaichigo dodged Shinku's cane, which flew through the air towards their heads, missed, and embedded itself into the floor beside Nori instead, who promptly came round and sat up, blinking.

"Is Shinku alright?"

"No, she is very much not; in her current condition the most important thing is to keep her away from – " Souseiseki was cut off abruptly by a new voice, silky, honeyed, and deceptively mellifluous.

"My, my, I see your house is as lively as always, Shinku. It's always such a pleasure to drop by. Of course, my visit would be made all the more pleasurable if you were to hand over that Rosa Mystica of yours."

They turned all together to stare in horror at the silvery white-haired doll emerging from the black of Jun's computer screen.

"...Suigintou."

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**Yes! Suigintou will guest star in the continuation! How will she react to Shinku's sudden change in character? This is gonna be fun :D *evil laugh* Mwahahahaha...**

**Reviews pwease~! :3**


	2. Chapter 2

**Hello! Just a warning, this chapter contains major randomness. In fact, going back and reading through it, I think I might have been high on something when I wrote this chapter. So yeah. This chapter is very random, very nonsensical, and probably pointless. In fact, I think I go off on a tangent in some bits...hope you don't hate it too much ^^" But then, this story was only written to satisfy my (sick) sense of fun anyway, so...don't take it too seriously?**

**Heheh...just be prepared for complete randomness from this point forward :)**

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_**When You Wind The Wrong Way**_

**Chapter Two**

"…Suigintou."

The silvery-white haired doll smirked, infuriatingly superior. Jun groaned loudly.

"Oh, that's just fantastic. You just _had_ to show up today. Is turning up at exactly the wrong time some sort of a sick hobby of yours?" he snapped. Suigintou looked mockingly hurt.

"My, my, that's not very nice. Didn't Shinku teach ever teach you to be polite? And I went to all the trouble of paying you a visit." Her face twisted into an unpleasant sneer. "Enough of that now, my business is with Shin – "

"KYYAAAA – YYYYOOOOUUUUUUU!"

Suigintou was cut off abruptly by an ear-splitting shriek and _something_ very _hard_ went swinging very _quickly_ through the air and neatly swatted her off the top of Jun's computer.

The "something" was the end of Nori's lacrosse stick, which Shinku had (somehow) obtained, and now brandished like a raving lunatic.

"Waahhh-mmphhf!" Suigintou, caught completely off guard, gave a rare scream as she found herself sailing through the air and promptly collided with Jun's chest, sending them both tumbling to the ground.

"_Ouch!_"

She barely had time to spin around and face her attacker when Shinku appeared in front of her, wild-eyed and half-crazed, the lacrosse stick raised above her head.

"YOU! GET OFF HIM! YOU HAVE THE NERVE TO SHOW YOURSELF BEFORE ME? HOW DARE YOU SEDUCE JUN!"

"Quick! Grab her now!

The raging crimson doll tried to bring the lacrosse stick hard down on Suigintou's head, but Suiseiseki and Souseiseki each grabbed one of her arms, Kanaria threw her arms around Shinku's waist and Hinaichigo latched herself firmly onto one of her berserk sister's leg. With great collected effort, they managed to drag the kicking, struggling and still-screaming doll a safe distance away – that is, to the furthest possible corner on the other side of the room, which, upon later reflection, probably wasn't really that much safer after all.

"WHHHYYY?" Shinku wailed, before letting the lacrosse stick clatter to the ground from her limp hand. She sank weakly down on her knees as her sisters released her and buried her face in her hands, sobbing hysterically once more. "Jun, how could you cheat on me with _her_?"

"_WHAT?_" Suigintou could barely believe the nonsense spurting out of Shinku's mouth. "WHAT DID YOU JUST ACCUSE ME OF?"

"Urgh…" Nori helped Jun sit up as he rubbed he rubbed his chest painfully. Suigintou regained her stance and stared, rendered absolutely speechless with shock, still not quite able to process Shinku's behaviour, which, she had to admit, was possibly the most disturbing thing she'd seen in a long time. She had come in the hopes of stealing her sister's Rosa Mystica – she was not sure now if she really wanted it. Deeming him the most likely person to blame for ruining her prize, Suigintou turned and shot Jun a deathly glare, grabbing both his collars in tiny clenched fists.

"WHAT DID YOU DO TO HER?" she bellowed, shaking the poor unfortunate medium hard enough to give him whiplash.

"Stop that!" Suiseiseki and Souseiseki managed to pull Suigintou off Jun. Suigintou looked almost as insane as Shinku as she hissed madly at Jun, almost like an angry cat. Jun found himself irrelevantly wondering if this was another reason why the two dolls didn't get along.

"What the _hell_ did you to Shinku?"

"Nothing! She stopped moving so I wound her up again, I just turned the key the wrong way!"

Suigintou hissed again.

"IDIOT! IDIOT! _IDIOT!_"

"Suigintou, at least let us explain…" Souseiseki briefly went over the events of that morning, all the while glancing nervously at her eldest sister, whose gaze, saturated with pure rage never left Jun for a second.

"You _idiot_!" Suigintou murmured venomously again. "The only one allowed to screw around with Shinku is _me_! You understand? The only one allowed to screw her up is _ME!_"

"Er…" For some reason, the strange tone of her voice sent nasty shivers down Jun's spine.

"_Idiot_!"

"Don't you even _think_ about taking her Rosa Mystica like this, you punk desu!" warned Suiseiseki.

"You think I would take Shinku's Rosa Mystica while she's like this? It'd make me _sick_! _IDIOT_!"

"Honestly, Suigintou, we all know what a moron Jun is, but if the only thing you're going to do is stand there and call him an idiot then you might as well just go away," Souseiseki sighed.

"I'm not a moron!" Jun flared. He turned to Suigintou. "Why don't you just leave before things get worse?" The white haired doll folded her arms, looking furious.

"I'm not going until Shinku's back to normal."

"Then you're actually going to help us?"

"Humph. Maybe. We'll see. I don't want to turn weird when I take Shinku's Rosa Mystica. Also, seeing her like that absolutely sickens me." Suigintou pointed at the crying Shinku, her face twisted in disgust. "That isn't Shinku. She would never blubber like that. _That _is a pathetic, overemotional lunatic."

"So you _do_ still care about Shinku."

"I do _NOT_! I just don't want her acting like a big fat baby when I kill her." Suigintou hissed vehemently. "I won't allow the pleasure of taking her _intact_ and _correctly functioning_ Rosa Mystica, be denied. Especially if it's only because her idiotic medium doesn't know which way to turn a key." At this, she paused for emphasis and glared Jun into the ground.

Shinku was bad enough when, under normal circumstances, she lost her temper on those few rare occasions, but such a hysterically _jealous_ Shinku was, in many aspects, absolutely terrifying. It was enough to traumatise even Suigintou, who was usually unfazed by, and very often enjoyed, Shinku's rare fits of anger. Her current behaviour was so completely foreign that the ever-vengeful first doll was forced to deem it necessary to lend assistance in reverting her sister back to her original form.

"Will you please stop rubbing it in my face already? Geez, don't you guys come with instruction manuals or something? You're definitely complicated enough to need one. Isn't there a reset button I can just press?"

Suigintou raised an eyebrow, giving him the 'I-can't-believe-what-a-moron-you-are' look. Then, as if something had dawned upon her, Souseiseki cast Jun a sly glance, and in turn, the other dolls and Nori turned to stare at him. He started to fidget uneasily under their gazes.

"_What?_"

Souseiseki sighed.

"Jun, this is something only you can do."

"What…exactly am I _supposed_ to do?"

"Well, you're a boy." Souseiseki said it as if Jun was supposed to know what she was talking about.

"Huh. Yeah. So I realised. What about it?

"Don't you know how to chat up a girl?"

"N-NO! What has that got to do with anything?"

"Ohohoh…the chibi human's never had a girlfriend – of course he's an inexperienced virgin, desu. What a _failure_~" Suiseiseki taunted, her eyes glinting maliciously.

"S-SHUT UP!"

"_Virgin_~"

"What's a virgin?"

"That's something you don't need to know, Hina."

"Why not? Do _you_ know, Kannagi?"

"It's _KANARIA_. And I can't tell you what a virgin is. It's naughty, kashira."

"How are virgins naughty? Aren't they the complete opposite?" Nori tapped her chin thoughtfully.

"It doesn't matter, either way; the chibi human is still as pathetic as a water flea, desu." Suiseiseki grinned.

"You evil – " Jun blinked suddenly and broke off halfway through his insult as Souseiseki whipped out a rough, handmade booklet, crudely stapled together, and waved it in front of his face.

"What's this?"

"This," said the Gardener, "is your answer."

_SOUSEISEKI'S LOVE BIBLE,_ the title read.

And underneath: _THE ULTIMATE GUIDE TO LOVE – UNRAVELLING THE SECRET TO A WOMAN'S HEART_

Jun coughed. "Um."

"Yes?"

"What. The. _HELL_. Is. _THIS_."

"Can't you read? It's a love bible – a guide to romance." Souseiseki shrugged as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"And…just _how_ exactly does this have anything to do with getting Shinku back to normal?" Jun eyed the booklet with minor horror.

"Well, the first thing to do is at least get Shinku calmed down before we can try anything on her. And for that, we'll have to play along with her little fantasy. But since you are a failure in matters of male-female romance, I have to give you a guidebook. Be grateful."

"Souseiseki, what the bleeding hell do you know about romance?"

The doll puffed her chest out with pride. "That is a book containing the timeless wisdom of three thousand episodes and over six hundred soap operas, Asian dramas and whimsical romance classics. That book will tell you exactly what to say and how to act. It's just like following the script of a play, really."

"Oh, for crying out loud, has the world gone bloody _mad_?" Reluctantly, Jun opened the first page of the booklet and scanned the page.

"I swear, I will love you until the stars turn blue – WHAT THE HELL IS THIS CRAP?"

"Don't insult a classic love line!"

"This – this isn't…the stars are _already_ blue! Well, some of them are!"

Souseiseki sighed, and Suigintou giggled nastily.

"Oh, the ignorance of one who doesn't understand how to touch a woman's heart…"

"FINE!" Jun snapped. He cleared his throat nervously.

"Er…Shinku…"

"JUN!" The medium found himself thrown onto his back once again as a rather large projectile – namely, Shinku – launched herself across the room and grabbed a hold of the front of his shirt.

"C-calm down, Shinku!" Jun found himself blushing again, redder than a tomato. He stared across at Souseiseki, who nodded encouragingly, albeit trying to keep her face straight. "I'm not…cheating…on you…"

There was a short guffaw from Suiseiseki that was stifled with difficulty as Jun glowered in her direction.

"Um…" He squinted over Shinku's shoulder at the paper he held at arm's length. "Er…how could I be cheating on you…when…I…" Jun gulped. "…when I love you oh so much?"

Oh, good Lord, the cheesiness of it was too unbearable. He'd never faced such humiliation. He could hear Suiseiseki desperately trying to muffle her laughter as she chortled into her sleeve, tears streaming down her cheeks. At least his words seemed to work on Shinku, though, and that, he supposed, was enough for him to continue.

"Jun, you love me?" she whispered, her tears instantly disappearing.

"Erm…oh of course, my dearest love. I will love you…" Jun literally had to physically force himself to continue, and his voice came out strained "…until the stars turn blue."

"GGYYYYAAAHHH~!" He found his breath suddenly cut short as Shinku let out a girlish squeal and threw her arms around his neck, practically strangling him.

"Shinku…can't…breathe…" he wheezed, barely managing to glare at Souseiseki, who was fighting to keep a straight face, Suigintou, who didn't even bother holding back her disdainful leer, Suiseiseki, who had stuffed both her fists into her mouth and was shaking silently, tears of mirth streaming down both cheeks and Nori, who was, of all things, _fangirling_.

It was truly sickening.

"Unyuu…is Shinku still angry at Jun?" Hinaichigo looked nervously from her sister to the unfortunate medium she was sitting on. Shinku leaned back and fluttered her eyelashes at him, giggling and blushing.

"Of course not – I could _never_ stay angry at _Jun_…oh, you're so _romantic_…and _manly_…"

At this, Suiseiseki collapsed onto her knees, overcome with laughter, and Suigintou rolled her eyes, disgusted.

"Oh _please_, can I just go and empty the content of my stomach now?"

"Your non-existent stomach…" Jun hissed back over Shinku's head. Suigintou lunged suddenly at him, but stopped when Shinku screamed again.

"NO! DON'T YOU DARE TOUCH HIM!"

"I'LL TURN YOU INTO JUNK! JUUUNK!"

"I WILL KILL ANYONE WHO HURTS JUN!"

"WORTHLESS JUUUUNKKK!"

"SHUT THE HELL UP!" Jun's poorly aimed swab at Suigintou missed and clipped the back of Suiseiseki's head.

"YOU CHIBI, WATCH WHERE YOUR FISTS ARE FLYING DESU!"

Chaos was probably an understatement for what ensued.

"VIOLENT IDIOT CHIBI! TAKE _THAT_!"

"SUISEISEKI PUT _DOWN_ THE FRYING PAN!"

"OWWWWWW! YOU HIT KANARIA!"

"SOUSEISEKI GIVE ME BACK MY CAN DESU!"

"SUISEISEKI GO AWAY OR I'LL DRAW ON YOUR WATERING CAN AGAIN, NANO~!"

"CHIBI ICHIGOOOOOO!"

"JUUUUUNNN!"

"EVERYONE SHUT THE HELL UP!"

"NOOOO! DON'T HIT HER WITH MY LOVE BIBLE!"

"BURN IN HELL, IF YOU DARE LAY A FINGER ON MY JUN!"

The doorbell rang, once.

"JUUUUUNKKKK! JUNK JUNK JUNK JUNK JUNK!"

Twice.

"HAVE YOU ALL LOST YOUR FREAKING MINDS?"

Three times.

"I SHALL DELIVER UNTO YOU A THOOOUUUUSAND DEATHS!"

And then, suddenly, miraculously…silence.

Of course, Suiseiseki still held a frying pan over head, Souseiseki was clutching her love bible protectively to her chest, Jun was trying to separate Shinku and Suigintou, who were both frozen in each other's headlocks, Hinaichigo and Kanaria had been trying to pry the frying pan out of Suiseiseki's grasp and Nori had been clinging to Jun's arm for no apparent reason at all. All of them froze, rooted to the spot.

Complete. Utter. Deafening. Stillness. Silence.

"Hello? Anyone home?" A voice floated up. Hinaichigo's eyes widened, and she snapped up to look at Jun, who was equally surprised.

"_Tomoe_?"

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**Next time: all the characters have assembled. Shinku has a case of major OOC, Suigintou is 'helping' for once, Souseiseki is suddenly a love guru and Suiseiseki won't stop calling Jun a virgin. What will Shinku and Tomoe make of each other? And how much longer is Jun going to survive this madness? **

**Well, reviews are appreciated! Hope that wasn't too weird for you, beloved readers/reviewers~ :D**


	3. Chapter 3

**Ahh, sorry for the wait, everyone! I think I'm seriously dragging this out longer than I intended too - probably because I've been getting too distracted lately. But I'll update faster from now on. Hopefully. I keep on saying that, don't I? =.='**

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_**When You Wind the Wrong Way**_

**_Chapter Three_**

"Um…hi." Jun stood rather awkwardly in his doorway, scratching the back of his head.

"Hi." Tomoe smiled nervously. "Sorry, did I come at a bad time?"

"Um…" _Actually, you probably came at the worst time possible. _"Why don't you come –" he was cut off suddenly by a sharp voice.

"_Jun_."

Sigh.

"_Yes_, Shinku?'

"Who is _she_?" Shinku was standing at the foot of the stairs, her hands on her hips, pouting slightly. Jun blinked. He'd never before seen her pout.

"This is Tomoe. You know her."

"Perhaps. But what is she to _you_?" Shinku's eyes narrowed. "Don't tell me…" Tomoe stared curiously as Jun rolled his eyes and slapped his hand to his forehead.

"_No, _for God's sake, I am _not_ cheating on you with her," he mumbled, looking everywhere but in Tomoe's direction. Shinku seemed satisfied by this, however, and relaxed, her frown replaced by a smile.

"Oh, Jun, I'm so happy." She wrapped her small arms around Jun's leg and rubbed the side of her face against it, like an adoring little child. Tomoe's eyes practically popped right out of her skull.

"Uhm…did…something happen?"

"Long story."

"Sounds like one I have to hear," said Tomoe, still ogling at Shinku as she entered the hallway. Jun called the others downstairs, and they gathered in the living room where Souseiseki explained the entire morning's events again.

"A…_what? _A _love_ bible?" Tomoe stared at the booklet Souseiseki held up proudly.

"It's an idiot's guide to cheesy pick up lines for inexperienced virgins like the chibi, desu," Suiseiseki smirked, dodging Jun's fist.

"This is stupid. Getting the moron to act all lovey-dovey with Shinku isn't going to get her back to normal," growled Suigintou.

"We don't have a choice. Once Shinku's been wound, the only thing we can do that is most likely to work is just wait until her spring winds down again and then wind her up the right way," Souseiseki explained. "Unless you have some better idea?"

"Hmph! I doubt the moronic medium will be able to last that long. It might take weeks, or _months_, even, for Shinku to wind down." Suigintou leered at Jun. "Think you can take it for that long?"

"Screw you."

Jun shuddered at the very thought of having to read off corny romance lines from that damn so-called 'love bible' for the next _day_, let alone _week_, or _month_. He'd never thought he'd ever think this, but he really wished Shinku would go back to her abusive, bossy old self. A sudden thought made his blood run cold.

"Y-you don't think…that Shinku will be stuck like this forever, right? Even after she stops and I wind her the right way – the damage isn't permanent, right?"

"Who knows?" Suigintou shrugged, a sneer creeping across her face. "No one's ever been stupid enough to wind a Rozen Maiden backwards, _remember_?"

"Now, now…I'm sure Shinku's just running backwards because Jun wound her backwards, so she's gone all funny. If he winds her the right way again I'm sure she'll start acting normal too," said Souseiseki.

"But I can't wait for week, or months, for Shinku to fall asleep! I have my sanity to keep, you know!" Jun panicked. Suiseiseki smirked evilly again.

"Sanity? What sanity? The chibi was always screwed in the head, desu~"

"You-!"

"Jun, you're not looking at _me!_"

"Dammit, Shinku, can't you last _five_ minutes without my attention? Oh, crap." He sighed as the doll's eyes began to tear over again.

"You're supposed to make sure Shinku _doesn't_ start crying again, idiot. Hurry up, apologise and read lines 35 to 37 on page 98." Souseiseki slapped the sheets of paper down on Jun's hand.

"Ok, ok I'm sorry. Er…" He quickly flipped through the 'love bible'. "Ahhh, I have eyes only for you…you make my heart tick, make my bones flick…" Jun trailed off and stared down at Shinku, who had recommenced clutching his leg with a content smile.

"Jun…I love you." She gazed adoringly up at his face. "I love you, I love you, I love you…"

"Ggggrrrrhhhuuuu…" Jun made a funny gargling sound and went bright red. Souseiseki nudged him sharply in the side. "…uuuhhhmm…I…l-l-love you, too…"

"Why don't you try to somehow bring Shinku back to her senses?" Tomoe tapped her chin thoughtfully, casting a pitying glance at Jun. "Like how sometimes when people lose their memories, all they need is a trigger and the memories that are connected to that trigger come flooding back. It could work with Shinku, if you find something that somehow would remind her of what she used to be like…"

"That's worth a try…good thinking, Tomoe. You're really smart."

Shinku's head whipped up before the words had even fully left his mouth.

"JUN. _What_ did you just say?"

"I was _giving a compliment_!"

"I knew it! _She's _the one you've been seeing behind my back!"

Jun could scarcely keep himself from yelling at Shinku, and he would have probably lost his temper, had it not been for Souseiseki shaking her head furiously just beyond Shinku's shoulder.

"Kunkun!" Hinaichigo jumped up and grabbed the puppet dog detective that Shinku adored so much off the television where it sat. "Kunkun can definitely turn Shinku back to normal!"

"K-Kunkun?" Shinku ceased raging at her medium and directed her attention to the puppet Hina dangled in front of her, wide-eyed. Uncertainty briefly flitted across her face, and she frowned as if trying to understand some inner confusion.

"I…" Shinku peered at the doll for a few moments more, and the other waited with bated breath to see if the plan had worked.

It just might have, had Jun been in a less harassed state of mind. Indeed, he had a tendency to do and say stupid things when under a certain amount of stress. Thinking back, however, he had to admit to himself that what he said next ranked among the most idiotic things that had ever come out of his mouth in his entire life.

"_Hah!_" Jun, still provoked from his earlier disagreement with Shinku, pointed an accusatory finger at the momentarily befuddled doll. "Who's the unfaithful one _now_? Screw that, if I've been cheating on you with Suigintou and Tomoe or whatever, _you've_ been cheating on _me_ with _Kunkun_ ever since you _arrived_ here!"

The silence that followed was heavy enough to probably sink both the _Titanic_ ship _and_ the iceberg it was hapless enough to collide with.

It was a silence that was loaded with the sudden realisation of one's own complete and utter lack of a brain – or _anything_, for matter – in one's head, as well as the deeply unsettled shock of others who finally understood the true depth of Jun's stupidity: much, much, _much_ worse than even Suiseiseki had suspected.

Shinku was the first to break the sudden freeze in time, her eyes widening in horror before a fresh tidal wave of tears spilled forth from them.

"NOOOOOO! JUN, I SWEAR THAT'S NOT TRUE! I-I'M NOT IN LOVE WITH KUNKUN! THERE'S NOTHING BETWEEN US! KUNKUN IS NOTHING COMPARED TO YOU! I DON'T LOVE ANYONE ELSE BUT YOU!" Shinku flung herself at Jun's legs (for the third time that day) and proceeded to tug at the edge of his shirt, begging loudly and incoherently for forgiveness.

The others stared, still trying to let the full weight of Jun's idiocy sink in.

"Jun."

"Yeah."

"_Jun_."

"I _know_. Don't say anything."

"_Medium_…" Suigintou drew her sword slowly, a rather strained and deeply terrifying smile spreading across her face. "Tell me how…how much _more_ _MORONIC_ CAN YOU GET?" She brought her blade down on the coffee table, slicing it neatly in two.

"Drat," the white-haired doll spat sarcastically. "I missed your _head_."

"Chibi…do you even have _air_ in that thing that sits on your shoulders? Or is it a _vacuum_?"

Jun sighed and rubbed his temples. "Please. Just don't speak to me right now."

"You just accused Shinku of cheating on you with Kunkun, Jun. How can you expect me not to remain silent?" Souseiseki bit her lip. "And we were so close, too. Shinku definitely reacted when she saw Kunkun."

"I think you took the love bible and the acting a _bit _too far, Jun." said Tomoe trying to awkwardly smile.

"You've made it worse, idiot chibi desu. Now Shinku's even weirder than –" Suiseiseki was cut off by Shinku's loud wailing.

"I'm sorry, Jun! Forgive me for even letting the thought of Kunkun being cute cross my mind!" As she looked up at Jun, he couldn't help but think she appeared incredibly pitiful at that moment.

"Y-You've been seeing Tomoe, haven't you? Because…because I'm a doll, and you're a human…and she's…she's…" Shinku broke off and began to sob uncontrollably into Jun's shirt again. He felt a small pang in his chest as he quickly flipped through the bible.

_Oh god, I actually feel sorry for her…she's gotten to me…_

"Um…ah…how many times must I tell you before you'll believe me? My love for you transcends all boundaries…"

"WWWWAAAAHHHH!"

"Wh-what the hell?"

"Y-You're too good for me, Jun!" Shinku sobbed. He sighed, suddenly tired.

"Souseiseki, hurry up and turn her back."

"OOOOHHHH!" Kanaria, who had been staying safely out of everyone's way for the majority of the time, suddenly jumped up, waving her arms around frantically. "I have an idea! An idea, kashira~!" She gestured to the clock, giving Jun a significant look.

"Yeah?"

"It's tea time." She said it as if it were something incredibly important.

"Huh?"

Tomoe held up a small yellow cup – Shinku's cup, to be precise, and raised an eyebrow.

"Tea, Jun."

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**Well, I'll admit that not too much happened in this chapter. So I'll try and pack some more into it next time. :)**

**Please review! I love hearing from you guys~! :3**


	4. Chapter 4

**Hello! The next chapter is up, and boy is Shinku taking this to the next level :) I had fun making her do unspeakable things...mwahahaha...though that means that I've had to up the rating a bit ;P**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

_**When You Wind the Wrong Way**_

**_Chapter Four_**

…

… …

… … …

The silence blanketed the air around them. It was an expectant silence in an awkward kind of way, the sort that descends on those who are waiting for some sort of significant event to occur. And yet it could not be said that the party gathered at noon, seated at the Sakurada family dinner table, actually _knew_ what it was exactly they were anticipating.

Hinaichigo shifted in her seat, being the youngest and most fidgety, and Nori lay a hand on the little doll's arm as if to hold her still. The air changed, and the object of their collective attention noticed it. Shinku looked up from her cup of tea.

"What?" She looked around at all of them, and then (of course) directed her full attention to Jun. "What is it, Junjun?"

Suiseiseki snickered, Suigintou snorted into her cake, and Tomoe coughed rather loudly as Jun choked midway through a sip of black tea.

"_Wh-what_ did you call me?"

Shinku snuggled up next to him, wrapping both her arms around one of his, her face in a dreamy expression he would never had been able to lay eyes upon had she been functioning normally.

"I said…what's wrong, _Junjun_?" She batted her eyelashes coyly at him, causing him to start choking again. Opposite him, Suiseiseki ducked underneath the table, stuffing both fists and the entire slice of cake in her mouth in an effort to stifle the peals of laughter that threatened to burst out. Suigintou's eyebrow twitched and she looked pointedly away from Jun, instead stabbing at the strawberries on her plate with a ferocity that terrified Hinaichigo stiff beside her.

Jun glared at Souseiseki across the table, but the doll merely gave a tiny nod of her head and busied herself with her own plate. Tomoe too, gave Jun an encouraging half-smile and quickly returned to her own food. Jun sighed. He'd just been practically abandoned, left alone to the mercy of a (literally) love-sick Shinku.

"Umm…ah…Shinku?"

"Yeees, Junjun?" She giggled girlishly.

_Oh god. That nickname…_

"Um…could you not call me that?"

Shinku frowned.

"But don't you think it's cute~?"

"Er…" Jun debated whether or not to be honest with her here, but Souseiseki glanced sharply up at him.

"Ahem." She raised an eyebrow.

"Ahh…on second thoughts, Junjun's just fine."

"Oh, Junjun, you're _so cuute_~!"

Jun winced at her sickly sweet voice, but forced himself to push on.

"Ah, Shinku, aren't you going to drink any of that tea?"

"Hmmm…" The blonde seemed to pretend to ponder this suggestion for a few moments. A cheeky smile spread across her lips, accompanied by a mischievous twinkle in her eye that gave him a terrible sense of foreboding.

"Maybe…" she stood up on her chair over him, and leaned in close, tilting his chin up with a finger, the tea cup held in her other hand. "Perhaps, I might…if we went...mouth-to-mouth…"

_HOLY CRAP! _Jun's silent and incoherent screams echoed throughout the traumatised chambers of his mind.

The others' reaction to Shinku's bold proposition was both simultaneous and spectacular. Souseiseki choked on a slice of cake. Suigintou stabbed her fork right through a strawberry, her plate _and _the table. Tomoe spat out the tea she had been drinking whilst Suiseiseki had lost all self control and was now cracking up so hard there were tears streaming down her face and she was clutching her stomach in pain. Nori screamed with something like delight and managed to knock both Kanaria and Hinaichigo right off their seats.

"N-never mind…if you don't want the tea, you d-don't have to drink it…" Having recovered his ability of speech, Jun was still a mental mess as he stood quickly and stepped away from the table, trembling. Shinku pouted, looking disappointed. Souseiseki sighed. Operation 'Tea' had failed, or so it seemed. Unexpectedly, Suigintou managed to give them a small opportunity.

"Shinku, how could you refuse the tea that Jun went to all the trouble of brewing just for you? He poured all of his feelings into it." The silver doll's voice was deceptively sweet, as always, but Shinku was, in her current state, gullible and innocent enough to be fooled. Her eyes widened, and gasped.

"Oh, _Junjun_, I'll savour every single drop of this black tea that's full of your love!" She downed it in one gulp. They watched.

Shinku lowered her cup and set it down on the table.

They waited.

Nothing.

Shinku merely flicked a strand of hair out of her face and continued making goo-goo eyes at Jun, who had backed away against the wall, still wide-eyed and quivering with her damaging attack on his already fragile sanity.

"Ummm….Jun, won't you come back to the table? We're having flower-topped hamburger for lunch." Nori cast a worried look over at her brother. He slipped awkwardly back into his seat. Shinku wasted no time in trying to cuddle up to him once again.

Souseiseki sighed and wiped the sweat off her forehead. Getting Shinku back to normal was proving to be exceedingly tiring. Her sister was being more persistent and more forward with Jun than she's expected. But then, Shinku had always been something of an enigma, even among the Rozen Maiden. Even now, she'd shocked everyone with her daring behaviour.

"Oh, Juuuun…" Shinku sang as she cut a piece of hamburger. He noticed with what remaining functional part of his brain he had that even when wound the wrong way, Shinku managed to carry out even the simplest of tasks, such as cutting her meat with a knife and fork, with the grace befitting the lady she usually prided herself on being. The doll waved her piece of perfectly cut hamburger in front of his face.

_Don't tell me…_

"Say 'ahhhh', _Junjun_…"

_Holy crap, I'm screwed…_

His body tensed up, and he couldn't move. He was rooted to the spot. Once again, the others around the table stopped and watched with a kind of horrified fascination without making a single move to save Jun from his predicament.

_I'm screwed, I'm screwed, I'm screwed, I'm screwed…_

He stared as the fork moved towards him. He could have sworn that it veered slightly to the right at the last moment, and planted the hamburger not on his lips, but on his cheek. Shinku pulled it away and whilst her eyebrows were raised with surprise, her glittering eyes and wicked smile told otherwise. Still looking mock-astonished, the blonde pointed at Jun's cheek.

"Oh my, Jun, it seems you have some sauce on your face right there." She leaned in right up against his face, and her eyes narrowed ever so slightly, her smile grew even more playfully naughty.

"Sh-Shinku…" Jun stuttered, desperately trying to escape from the inevitable fate that awaited him. He groped around the table for a tissue, a handkerchief, _anything_…

"Don't worry, I'll get it off for you…I'll clean it off…" Shinku ran her tongue over her lips saucily, and before Jun could do anything else, she had delicately licked the hamburger sauce clean off his cheek.

_HOLY SH - #$&*Q$#! &#^%!*(!*#&&^$%$#!_

His sanity had officially just parachuted out the window and boarded a jet plane to Namibia.

Goodbye, Jun's Last Shreds Of Innocence. Hello, Mentally-scarred-for-eternity Jun.

The others at the table couldn't even move. They just sat, like statues of stone, each one with the same expression of complete and utter shock. In fact, 'shock' was probably an understatement as to describing the silence that had descended upon the dinner table. The absolute astonishment transcended mere words – it simply could not be expressed in them. They were astounded, flabbergasted, gobsmacked, stunned, dazed, dumbfounded…if all those words were combined together, it wouldn't even be enough to capture the mind-numbing experience they (with the exception of Shinku, who was thoroughly enjoying herself, of course) were all immersed in.

The stunned silence was broken by a muffled _thump_ as Jun fell backwards off his chair. Souseiseki and Suigintou were the first to shake off their shock and regain their senses.

"Shinku…I don't know…what to say…"

Suigintou floated over Jun's limp body, lying on the floor. She nudged him rather distastefully with her toe.

"It seems that was too much for the weak, pathetic medium. He's fainted."

"SHE JUST LICKED HIS FACE DESU!" Suiseiseki screamed, grabbing Souseiseki and shaking her twin furiously.

"Wahhhhhh! Stop thaaaat!"

"Shinku licked Jun nano!" Hinaichigo, though not quite understanding the situation, didn't want to be left out.

"Somehow that scares me, kashira…" Kanaria was staring at Shinku as if seeing her for the very first time. "I don't think I'll ever look at her quite the same way again."

Shinku herself was completely oblivious to the commotion surrounding her and was instead kneeling beside the unconscious Jun.

"Ahhh, looks like I'll have to do mouth-to-mouth CPR…don't worry Jun, I'll revive you with my _kiss of life_…"

Miraculously then, he sat up suddenly, and yelled.

"THAT WON'T BE NECESSARY, THANK YOU!" He was panting, looking slightly crazed with his glasses hanging crooked, his eyes round and wide, his cheeks flushed and hair sticking out at odd angles. His face was the colour of a beetroot.

"Oh Jun, that was soooo hot and romantic! Shinku's going to steal your first kiss!" Nori had both hands clutched to her chest, eyes shining. Jun blushed even harder, surprised he didn't set the carpet aflame.

"Heehee…pretty soon you're brain's going to malfunction from overheating." Suiseiseki chortled, having gotten over the worst of her shock, and wasting no time in teasing Jun about this latest development. "Oh wait, sorry. You're brain's _already_ defective, desu."

"Juuunnnn…" Shinku drawled slyly, sending shivers down his spine as she dug her fingers into his hand. She just hated being ignored. "You taste so yummy~"

Tomoe's eyes almost popped out of her skull.

"S-scandalous…" she murmured.

"It seems Shinku's become more daring," Suigintou observed drily. She leered nastily at Jun. "Having fun, you poor fool?"

"Jun, you taste so delicious I want to nibble on your ear…" Shinku continued as if nothing had happened, eagerly advancing on her medium. He gave a strangled cry and tried to scramble to his feet, but his legs weren't listening to him and stubbornly remained in their state of jelly-like trauma. He flopped back onto the ground.

"SOUSEISEKI!"

"I'm sorry, Jun. It's much worse than I thought. Shinku's always been strong…"

"WHAT THE HELL IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?"

"Just please, Jun, put up with it a bit longer."

"WHAT?"

"Fight on, chibi, desu!" Suiseiseki cackled gleefully.

"Don't worry; she's just going to nibble your ear a bit." Suigintou laughed unpleasantly. "I'm almost jealous of you, medium. _Almost_."

"Ahhh, Shinku's going to eat you up, Jun!"

"So dirty, kashira!"

Hinaichigo and Kanaria were about as helpful as Souseiseki.

"Scandalous!" Tomoe looked horrified.

"Kyyyaaaaa!" Nori looked _excited_.

"Sh-Shinku!" Jun felt his back collide against the wall. He had nowhere to run. He was completely cornered. Souseiseki bowed her head.

"I'm sorry, Jun."

Shinku was smiling wickedly. She slowly moved around behind Jun and slipped her dainty arms around his neck. Once again, his body and rational mind shut down. He was paralysed. He barely registered the long blonde curls falling around his shoulder, brushing lightly against his cheek.

Her breath fanned the back of his neck, her arms tightened around his chest…

Her lips brushed against the top of his ear...

And then…

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**Hahaha...sorry, but I'm going to have to stop it right there, before things get too _graphical_...XD**

**Reviews pwease~! :D**


	5. Chapter 5

****

**So here's the last and final super-long chappie! Over 4000 words and 9 pages on Microsoft Word! Contains a lot of randomness and outrageous behaviour by Shinku which I'll probably be killed for. But it was just one of those things I _had_ to do. Had to up the rating a bit too. Don't want to scar young minds.**

**Oh, and before I forget, a bit round of applause to Sin Oan who was the mastermind behind the devilishly ingenious ideas of Jun accusing Shinku of cheating on him with Kunkun and 'The Bathtub Scene' later on in this chapter which you'll have to read to find out more about. So yes, a BIG thankyou to Sin Oan, thanks for letting me use your awesome idea, and I hope I didn't desecrate it too badly. You're a writer after my own heart :D**

* * *

_****__When You Wind The Wrong Way_

_**Chapter Five**_

"Is he breathing?"

They were gathered in a semicircle around the unconscious body of Jun, Suiseiseki poking his head gingerly with a chopstick. Even as he lay unmoving, a trickle of blood stemming from his nose made its way steadily down the side of his face. Kanaria watched fearfully as Souseiseki fanned him with the pages of her 'love bible'.

"Check his pulse. Is he alive, kashira~? Do we have to clear his airways? CPR?" The green-haired doll was suddenly pushed rather roughly aside.

"Move, Kanatsu."

"_KA-NA-RI-A!_" The outraged doll puffed her cheeks out indignantly. Shinku waved her sister aside as if she were swatting away an annoying fly.

"I must attend to my Junjie," she bore down upon him with a wet towel and a box of tissues.

"Junjie?" Suigintou spat, looking as disgusted as if she'd just stepped in dog crap. "_Junjie?_"

"Lord, Shinku, where on earth are you getting those nicknames?" Even Nori, for once, looked mildly disturbed by the doll's affectionate way of calling her brother. The said boy stirred suddenly, groaning, and his eyes fluttered open.

"JUNJIIIEEEE!" Shinku didn't give him even a second to recover as she squealed and flung herself at his neck, latching onto him with a vice-like grip.

"Argh…" Jun let out a weak grunt as Tomoe and Nori helped him up with some difficulty (well, he did have a rather avid living doll practically glued to his neck). His vision was slightly blurred and he felt groggy as his consciousness reassembled itself and his mind was able to function properly again. Unfortunately, it also meant he recalled the cause of the temporary liquidation of his brain, and that almost made him pass out again. Shinku's lips, closing in on him…

_GAH! What the hell…what…the…hell…_

The blonde doll was currently cuddling him like he was some sort of a giant Kunkun toy, blind and deaf to the rest of the world. He pried her off with great difficulty, only to have her release his neck and latch onto his arm with renewed zeal.

"Nothing's been working. It will be weeks, maybe even _months_ before Shinku winds down." Suigintou, ever the optimist, folded her arms, that permanently disdainful glare pasted across her face.

"WHAT?" A lump of raw panic formed in Jun's throat.

"Nothing we've tried so far has worked. We might have to wait until Shinku just runs out of energy by herself."

"NOOOOO! I can't…I can't…" Barely even able to string words together to form a coherent sentence, Jun stared from Souseiseki to Suigintou, then down at Shinku rubbing her cheek adoringly against his shoulder. "I can't…how do you expect me to _live_…with…_her_?" he blurted out frantically, looking absolutely wretched.

"What's the fastest way to get Shinku to use up all her power?" asked Tomoe.

"Unyuu, send her to the N-field, without Jun! She can only continue for a short while without a medium."

"You're a genius, Hina!"

"This is all very nice but might I ask just one teensy weensy little question?" Jun's eye twitched slightly. "_How_ exactly are you going to get her away from me?"

"Be creative."

_~ Half an hour later ~_

"Shinku, lookie lookie here!"

They were gathered in front of the large mirror that was the entrance to the N-field. Souseiseki flourished her hands like some game show hostess, trying to capture the besotted doll's attention.

"Shinku, listen up. Beyond this mirror is a _huge_ collection of Jun porn, desu." Suiseiseki stood on top of a pile of boxes, screeching through a megaphone.

The collective response to her sudden announcement was both varied and amusing.

Shinku's head snapped up from its place on Jun's shoulder, her eyes widening, a look of sheer delight crossing her features. Tomoe stood up quickly and hurriedly walked out the door, muttering something about "just remembered I have something very important to do, so goodbye, I'm gonna leave now before this gets weird." Hinaichigo was asking Nori, who was unsuccessfully trying to stuff tissues up her nose to stop it bleeding, what 'porn' was whilst Kanaria leapt to block Hina's ears to prevent further 'corruption'.

"Suiseiseki…Souseiseki…when you said _creative_…" There was a nervous tic in Jun's forehead.

"Oh, don't worry, chibi." Suiseiseki pulled the megaphone away from her mouth and winked, whispering conspiratorially, "There isn't actually a secret Chibi Porn Stash, it's just bait to get Shinku wandering through the N-field. She'll be walking around looking for something that doesn't even exist – I think. Unless Souseiseki actually _did_ go to the trouble of making one…"

"STOP COMING UP WITH WEIRD PLANS YOU PERVERTED, SICK-MINDED DOLL!"

Suiseiseki managed to look mock-offended.

"This was Souseiseki's – "

"YOU'RE BOTH TWISTED! AND WHERE THE HELL DID YOU GET THAT MEGAPHONE?"

Jun was just about to crack. Honestly, Souseiseki was possibly even more warped than _Suigintou_. And of course, Suiseiseki, master of subtlety, just _had_ to go and announce the fact that he was the subject of some porn collection with a _friggin' megaphone_. He wondered briefly how long it was going to take for the neighbours to call the police to his doorstep and have him arrested for indecency.

Right now, though, he went with the only option available to him that could ease his suffering – curling up in a foetal position in a dark corner, rocking back and forth muttering "I'm in my happy place, I'm in happy place…" to himself over and over again.

He was by now, as you can no doubt tell, scarred for life.

Of course, ironically, that didn't concern Shinku in the least. In fact, she didn't even seem to realise the pitiful state he was in as she turned and said cheerfully,

"I must depart on a great quest to obtain the ultimate treasure – "

"Yeah, a gigantic stash of Jun-porn," Suiseiseki hollered through her megaphone (why she still needed it Jun didn't know – she already had Shinku's full attention, so she was just probably trying to spite him). At the words "Jun-porn", he flinched with every syllable as if the words were a physical blow to his body.

"Suiseiseki…"

"It's hidden somewhere in the N-field, so you'll have to look hard for it, Shinku," said Souseiseki. "Like a treasure hunt."

"Come on, then Junjie," Shinku reached for Jun, but was stopped by Suigintou.

"No, you can't take him."

Shinku looked like she was about to burst into tears again.

"Wh-WHY?"

"Because…um…er…he's too sick…to go into the N-field. Yeah…he has a _weak_ body…"

Shinku's bottom lip trembled as she stared at Jun with wide, moist eyes, then back at the mirror, then back at Jun. For a moment, they feared she might give up the prospect of going into the N-field, but the temptation of "Jun-porn" was too much, and she clenched her fists and shuffled over to the mirror.

"Wait for me, Jun. I'll return with the most beautiful and exquisite collection of pic – "

"Yes, yes, we get the idea, hurry and go already!" Souseiseki gave her sister a push. Shinku stumbled into the glowing mirror.

"Just take your time!" Suiseiseki yelled, her shrill voice magnified by the megaphone causing a nearby vase to spontaneously and spectacularly disintegrate. "Oops. Was that expensive, desu?"

"Now we just have to wait. We'll go and get her sometime tonight," said Souseiseki, wiping her brow after the mirror's glow subsided. Everyone breathed a shared sigh of relief.

"Hmph. Looks like you were saved," Suigintou suddenly cracked a huge, unhealthily evil grin at Jun. "By a non-existent porn stash, no less."

"ARRRGGGHHH! SHUT UP!" Jun clamped both hands on his ears. "GO AWAY!"

"What happens if Shinku comes back?" Nori asked fearfully.

"That won't happen. Suiseiseki and Suigintou helped me seal this entrance. She won't be able to get back until we go in there and bring her out ourselves," said Souseiseki. Jun sighed and stood up, looking like he'd just been through a nightmare. There were dark bags under his eyes and he was surprised he hadn't yet broken out in premature aging. Thankfully though, he'd managed to maintain his youth; there were no wrinkles on his forehead and his hair hadn't turned grey.

Yes, his youth was intact, but his sanity, sadly…

He spent the rest of the day lying on the couch, recovering from the trauma of the morning. As promised, Shinku didn't reappear in the house. Suigintou left in the late afternoon, her boredom getting the better of her, and after a brusque, "I won't take your Rosa Mysticae today, but the next time we meet you won't be so lucky," she'd gone home via the bathroom mirror. Kanaria too, deciding she'd had enough for one day, returned to her own home. It was evening by the time Nori called him out of his slump.

"Jun, you've still got blood on your shirt."

"Huh?" He stared down at the red spatters on his chest from when he'd been out cold with that nosebleed.

"You look awful. Here, give Onee-chan your shirt and go take a bath, Jun."

Neither Nori nor the poor, ever-unfortunate Jun knew this would turn out to be possibly the biggest mistake he'd ever made in his life.

The thing about the Sakurada house bathroom is that when you are sitting in the bath with the door locked and the window closed, you can't hear very well what is going on in the rest of the house. Thus, Jun did not hear the strangled cries and choked-off scream from the other side of the bathroom door.

Perhaps, had these noises been detected by him, he would have been alert and maybe better prepared for what happened to him next. The hot steam rising from the bath made it difficult to see in the room – it fogged up the window and mirror. The water was frothy and bubbly as he'd put in a lot of soap, so he couldn't see what was beneath the water either. That, and the fact that Jun wasn't wearing is glasses, contributed to his utter lack of any form of protection.

He first realised that something was wrong when he saw a curious tube poking vertically out of the water, bobbing closer and closer to him. Squinting short-sightedly, he managed to see that it was in fact a drinking straw.

_What the hell…_

"Nori! You left a straw in the bath tub!" Jun called. There was no reply. He frowned. "Nori!"

There was no response.

A distinct feeling of foreboding was creeping up his spine. Still wondering how on earth a straw had managed to get into his bath, he reached out hesitantly and pulled at it. It didn't budge, and he felt something much heavier on the other end of the straw below the surface of the water. Unfortunately, the foamy, soapy lather meant that he couldn't see a thing.

Frowning, he gave the straw a sharp tug. It came out of the water, and there, the other in her mouth, was none other than Shinku.

"!" Jun screamed like a girl being sexually harassed and propelled himself in all his magnificent, naked glory out of the bath tub and onto the floor tiles.

"Juuunnnn…" Shinku, soap suds in her hair and absolutely soaking wet, spat out the straw with which she had been using to breathe whilst submerged underwater, climbed out of the water and stood on the edge of the bath tub. "Jun, you and my sisters have been _very_ naughty, you know?"

Scrambling backwards to his feet, Jun managed, mercifully, to get his hands on a towel, which he quickly wrapped around his body and clumsily slid on his glasses. He fumbled at the door, trying desperately to unlock it but his wet fingers slipped on the latch. Shinku was advancing on him slowly, and the smile on her face terrified him more than any berserk Suigintou or jealous tirade she'd come up with before. The only word he could think of to describe the look on her face was _anticipatory_. And oh, how wickedly so. The look on her face told him that she was highly looking forward to whatever she planned on doing to him, and that meant he was probably about to go to hell.

"NORI! SOUSEISEKI! SUISEISEKI! HINAICHIGO!" Jun managed to finally burst through the door and ran down the hallway, not caring anymore that they would see him in naught but a towel. He could only be thankful that Tomoe had at least already left. Behind him, Shinku giggled.

He'd never in his life heard her giggle like that before, and he honestly hoped he'd never have the misfortune to hear it again.

"Jun," the doll purred as she followed him down the hall. "Do you know what happens to people who have been naughty? They get _punished_."

"HOLY SHI-#$&^!*(#&!(*$%(*#$#!" Jun chose some of his choicest swear words to bellow at the top of his voice as he clattered upstairs to his room. As he reached the door, he turned back to glance at his pursuer only to suddenly find himself staring at the ceiling of his room, pain running down his spine. Shinku had tackled him to the floor whilst he hesitated and he had landed heavily on his back.

"YOU'VE GOT TO BE ($*#&$$(% KIDDING ME!" Turning his head, he caught sight of Souseiseki, Suiseiseki, Hinaichigo and his sister tied up against his bedpost, their muffled cries stifled by gags. Their eyes widened at the sight of Jun lying on the ground in a white bath towel.

"Oof!" Jun looked down, and almost fainted when he realised Shinku was now sitting on his waist, that petrifying smile playing on her lips. He struggled to sit up, only to find that in his stunned state, Shinku had _cuffed_ his hands to the same bedpost the others were tied to.

_HOLY MOTHER OF – !_

He didn't even want to think about where she'd obtained those fluffy pink handcuffs. Damn it, where were Suigintou and Kanaria when you needed them? He'd give anything for Suigintou to burst in right now, screaming something about junk and giving Shinku a few good swings at with her sword.

_Oh god, somebody, anybody…_

"Jun…" Shinku cooed, her voice sickeningly sweet. It dripped with honey, which, in the situation he was in, honestly felt more like deadly venom to Jun.

"Let go of me!" His voice was strangled and shaken.

"You know, Jun," Shinku made no indication she'd heard any of what he'd just said. "I was so excited, going to the N-field and finding a delicious stack of pictures of you…"

He gulped. So she'd discovered their deception.

"…so you can imagine my disappointment when I happened upon that Barasuishou girl, and whilst she and I were having a good stoush she let slip the fact that such a collection of memoirs _does not exist_." Shinku's smile widened, and there was a strange glint in her eye. She leaned on his stomach, edging closer and closer to his face.

"Naughty, naughty, Jun. It's bad to lie."

"H-How did you get back? How the hell did you end up in the bath tub?"

"I came back through the bathroom window." She giggled again. "You didn't honestly think I could be kept away from you so easily, did you? Wherever you are, wherever you go, heaven or hell, on land, in space, under the sea, I'll always find you…"

_You sick stalker!_

"Sh-Shinku…s-stop it…"

She leaned closer, the tips of her long blond curls brushed against his shoulder.

"It was very _exhilarating_, seeing you in the bath…I found myself wanting to get closer…"

Inside his head, Jun was screaming himself silly. Outside, he'd lost his ability of speech, his ability to move, and practically every other function of his physical body.

"Unfortunately, all that soap made it _very_ hard…"

_Thank GOD someone invented soap that BUBBLES…_

"So you'll have to make it up to me now, since that porn stash didn't exist and I didn't get to see you in the bath, Jun. I'll make you pay me back twice as much…"

"Shinku…please…FOR THE LOVE OF GOD TURN BACK TO NORMAL!"

"Tut tut, Jun. I will now exact my punishment on you," Shinku purred like a cat, running her tongue over her lips like he was some delectable snack she was about to sink her teeth into.

"I WON'T EVER WIND YOU THE WRONG WAY AGAIN, SO I'M BEGGING YOU PLEASE!"

Again, his pleas fell on deaf ears. Shinku made no indication that she was aware at all of the near-hysterical state he was in. Nori and the other dolls were struggling at their bonds, making muffled noises of protest.

"SOUSEISEKI! SUISEISEKI! NORI! HINA! HELP MEEEE!"

Suddenly, Shinku cast her eyes downward in a coyly bashful manner, a blush sprinkling her cheeks. She traced circles on his chest with the tip of her finger, looking like some shy, uncertain young maiden.

"But you know, Jun," her gaze crept tentatively to his face and though her movements and tone indicated hesitance and timidity, her eyes spoke of the complete opposite with their wickedly saucy glitter. "This is my first time, so please…"

"AAAARRRGGGHHHH!"

"…please… be _gentle_." She was now sitting with her legs on either side of his chest. Still soaked from the bathtub, water dripped off the tips of her golden hair and off her chin as she leaned in closer and closer to his face...he snapped his eyes tightly shut, resigned to his fate…

_Holy crap, oh crap crap crap crap crap…ancestors in heaven, your descendent is about to die in hell…this is it…the bloody end is #*$&#$ nigh…_

"MMMMHHHMMMM!" Nori and the other dolls made frantic noises, and Suiseiseki tried to block Hinaichigo's sight with her head.

"Ju-" Shinku's lips were millimetres away from Jun's when she broke off halfway through whispering his name and her head slumped forwards suddenly, her forehead colliding with his chin.

"Huh?" He tilted his head up, staring down at the blonde who lay unmoving on his chest. He waited. Nothing. No movement. No "Junjie's" or "I will now punish you" or creepy girly giggles. Her eyelashes didn't even twitch, so much as flutter.

_YYYYYEEEEESSSS!_

Jun almost felt like crying tears of joy and relief. He'd been saved. The ancestors, the gods, the angels, whatever was up there had been listening to him.

"Oh my god…"

The only problem that remained now was the issue with how he was currently chained to a bedpost with fluffy pink handcuffs, and the only other people in the house were also tied to that same bedpost and unable to remove their own bonds.

It was lucky then, that Souseiseki was the Doll of Ridiculously Enormous Scissors. She summoned the Gardener's Shears and proceeded to snip herself, then all the others, free. And finally, after much snickering on Suiseiseki's behalf, and many deathly glares from Jun, they managed to separate the luckless medium from his bedpost.

"Oh god, I don't want to go through anything like that ever again. I never knew Shinku could be so _dangerous._"

"Heeheehee…_dangerous _indeed…" drawled Suiseiseki, nudging Jun knowingly. He swatted at her, but missed.

"What exactly did she do to you guys?"

"It was horrible, Jun," Nori said, hugging Hinaichigo. "She snuck up behind us and sort of lassoed us all together – even Souseiseki was no match for her with her Shears, Shinku reinforced the rope with her rose petals or something, though that seems to have worn off now that she's…well…"

"The fighting with Barasuishou used up her energy. Also, her gears were probably a little waterlogged from her…ah…spying in the bath," explained Souseiseki, giving Jun an awkward look. He was still rather scantily clad in a bath towel, and being the only member of the male gender in a room full of those of the X-chromosome sex did nothing to help.

"Quick, Jun, wind her up. We can't have Shinku lying around all wet and dripping and unconscious. And _watch which way you're turning the key _this time, for goodness sake. I doubt we'll be able to scrape through alive and sane if something like this ever happens again.' Souseiseki handed Jun the key, and he made special effort taking notice that he was winding clockwise, in the correct direction.

_I hereby swear to God. I will never wind a Rozen Maiden the wrong way. Ever. Again._

They waited tentatively for Shinku to awaken, holding their breaths, tension rife in the air. It didn't take long; a few moments afterwards, the blonde doll stirred, her lids fluttering open. As her eyes came into focus, her gaze directed itself at Jun. He gulped nervously.

_Please…be normal again…_

SMACK!

"Jun, what on earth are you doing clad in nothing but a towel? Vulgar, uncouth servant, your lack of decorum disgusts me. Are you not aware that there are ladies present in the room? Your absence of appropriate clothing is most distasteful. What took you so long in waking me? Look, it is almost dinner time. Don't tell me it took you an _entire_ day just to wind me up again? And why am I dripping wet? This is unacceptable. What in the world _have _you been doing, Jun?"

There were many things Jun could have replied to that with, but at that moment, Shinku's usual cool, detached tone was music to his ears. He drank in the sound of her familiar strict lectures and cold insults with overwhelming happiness. Even better, she seemed to have no recollection whatsoever, much to everyone's relief, of the events of that day. They could safely bury those traumatic times in the deepest, darkest parts of their minds, never to be mentioned or thought of again.

"Shinku…" his voice came out almost as a sob. There were tears of pure, sheer joy in his eyes. "Shinku...you're back. Oh, thank god you're back!" He threw his arms around her and pulled her into a tight hug.

"Amen." Souseiseki removed her hat and bowed her head. "She has returned."

"What is going on? Jun, let _go. _I will _not _tolerate being handled so roughly. What on earth happened to all of you? Why are you behaving so strangely?"

"Ah, it's nothing, Shinku, desu." The corner of Suiseiseki's mouth twitched as she glanced quickly at Jun out of the corner of her eye. "The chibi really was so stupid that he took an entire day to figure out how to wind you."

"Hmph. Such a useless servant. Why am I soaking wet, then?"

"Errr…"

"J-Jun-kun dropped you in the bath tub when he was about to take a bath, nano!" Hinaichigo piped up, looking fearfully at Jun. There was a brief moment of stunned silence on Shinku's part.

"He dropped me in the _bath tub_? Whilst he was about to _take _a bath? What, Jun, were you planning on taking me into the bath _with _you?" Shinku's eyebrow was arched incredulously.

"Umm…you looked like you could use a nice, relaxing wash?"

SMACK! SMACK!

"OW!"

"Is that why you are in such a state of undress?"

"Um…yeah…"

"Well, don't just stand there, get some decent clothes on. Honestly, must I instruct you on everything?"

Despite all her slapping and scolding, Jun couldn't help but feel incredibly light and cheerful. He felt a sort of unspoken agreement between himself, Suiseiseki, Souseiseki, Hinaichigo and Nori to never speak of this again, lest the truth be known to Shinku. The explanations she had now, however ludicrous or just plain stupid they were, were at least better than what had _really _occurred. Jun hated to think what Shinku would do _then_. Nori and the other dolls left his room soon afterwards.

"I really think I ought to punish you."

"WH-WHAT?" He spun around wildly, and let out a strangled half scream, half yelp at the sight of Shinku pulling her ribbons loose, removing her bonnet, and letting her dress fall to the ground. She turned to stare at him, garbed in nothing but her undergarments. And he was in nothing but a towel…

"What is it? My clothes are all sopping wet. I can hardly wear them like that, can I? Nori's washing them and hanging them out to dry."

Jun breathed a sigh of relief. For a moment, he'd thought the Wrongly Wound Shinku had resurfaced.

"Make me a cup of tea when you go down, Jun."

"Yes, yes."

"We say yes only once, correct?" Shinku asking for tea again in that familiar way of hers made him tear over with blissful relief. Even her reprimands felt like soothing old friends after all the mind-screw he'd been through today. She lectured him severely as she slipped on one of his sweaters and prepared to leave the room.

"Do not take so long winding me up next time, and do not, under any circumstances, take me with you to the bath, as not only is it highly inappropriate for a lady to bathe with her servant, but it will interfere with my mechanisms if I stay too long in the water. I am a doll, after all, and should be handled delicately – oh, and Jun?" Shinku stopped in the doorway, her back to him. The temperature of the room seemed to plummet suddenly to extreme negative figures. When she spoke again, her voice had taken on the icy, brusque, terse quality of a cold and frosty winter wind.

"Do not accuse me of having an affair with Kunkun, do not drink tea mouth to mouth with me, do not make me hand feed you flower-topped hamburger, do not lie to me about some secret collection of pornography, do not attempt to seal me in the N-field without a medium to cut off my energy and get rid of those scandalous pink hand cuffs."

Jun froze. She _didn't_ just…

_CRAP_.

"And lastly, Jun, do not ever again, for as long as you are my medium, wind my key the wrong way again."

Sakurada Jun never made that particular mistake again.

Hell.

He knows now, that's what happens.

When you wind the wrong way.

* * *

**It was such a blast writing that. A humongous thank you to everyone who reviewed. I love you and send all of you cookies and hugs~!**


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